Shot no.: 19
Song title: Emotional Black Hole
Style: Rock Ballad
Location of your tears: Your beers
Imagine a girl sitting on the floor in the hallway of a frat. Sobbing. Just sobbing. Mascara everywhere. Confused and scared frat boys squeezing past as the girl’s friends crouch down to try to comfort her. This girl is inconsolable. This girl is my friend Gail* and she has broken down because. . . she can’t get rid of her hiccups.
You wouldn’t understand. These hiccups were very emotional and painful. I mean, they were hurting her chest even. No, like, they were like, really bad hiccups. And they wouldn’t stop and everything is wrong and my life sucks.
Yes, drunk Gail is an emotional black hole that sucks everything down into it. This same scene has happened everywhere from bars to bathtubs. Who knew that a large amount of a depressant could make someone act depressed? The best part is that drunk Gail is the cheeriest of all of us under most circumstances. But once in a while something clicks and there’s no stopping the vacuum. “Clicks” is the perfect term for it because everything could be fine one moment. Then the next moment, everything’s Armageddon and you can’t get this wailing pile of a human to stand up off the sidewalk and finish walking home from the bar.
Emotional black holing (yeah, it can be a verb) doesn’t always have to be so sobby. Sometimes you just needed that extra beer to tell your bud how much you love him. Like, no seriously man. YOU are awesome. No, man. YOU. Don’t you tell me “no”! You wanna take this outside?! (Ok, that’s getting more into something I’ll cover at track 55, Bar Fight.)
There’s an emotional black hole in every group and I’m sure you know who it is in your crew. Unless you don’t. Then it’s you.
*Names have been changed to protect the inebriated
Download the song: 
Lyrics:
Why are you crying?
I don’t know
Well can you stop?
No no no
Everything was fine three seconds ago
Emotional black hole
The feelings just get out of control
Emotional black hole
Tears in your beers
You spilled my cup
Or I have the hiccups
I think I’m losing my tan
I love you so much man
Emotional black hole
The feelings just get out of control
Emotional black hole
Tears in your beers
