Shot no.: 48
Song title: Alcohol Is My Anti-Drug
Style: Cabaret
New slogans: I’m high on life power hours; Shots of beer not shots of drugs; Crack is whack so throw that shot back
I wrote this song to be perfectly kick line-y because by minute 48, you will kick line (accompanying jazz hands likely but not guaranteed). At this point, everyone thinks they’re a member of the Rockettes. So put your arm around that guy next to you and get that chorus line going. This is why you should stretch before the big game.
My friend, Gail*, actually broke her foot once while she was kick lining at a power hour. Aaaand we caught it on film! She ended up in a cast and having to take a bunch of time off from work. It was one serious party tattoo. She told her parents the injury occurred on a treadmill. The video begged to differ. There’s actually footage of her kick lining, landing on her foot sideways, hobbling around for a second, turning to our friend Sally* and saying “I think I broke my foot,” and then RETURNING to kick lining. It’s fabulous.
Then her brother got a copy of the video. That sweetheart held a public screening for her whole family over Christmas break. I wasn’t lucky enough to be a viewer when the treadmill lie was exposed but I heard it was quite hilarious. Luckily, Gail’s parents are cool (They’ve actually been to one of my power hour concerts and played!) so watching their drunken daughter destroy her foot with a dance move just made them laugh.
*Names have been changed to protect the inebriated
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Lyrics:
Substance abuse is terrible kid
Especially the stuff our government forbids
Let me tell you drugs are dangerous
You can hurt yourself if you’re careless
Whoa Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooh
Alcohol is my anti-drug
Whoa Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Take all that energy and do something safe
Skip all the pot and have a beer in place
Whoa Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooh
Alcohol is my anti-drug
