Shot no.: 47
Song title: Efficient Drinking
Style: Rock/Electro/Pop
Primary lesson: ROI isn’t just for finances
Most of my life is spent contemplating how to get the biggest return on my investment. The most awesome from the least amount of input. Whether it’s money back on an investment, the effectiveness of a workout or the amount of time put into perfecting a song, I’m always trying to maximize my returns with the minimum effort. This may seem lazy. I call it productive.
This song suggests taking a similar outlook for your partying. Sipping slowly wastes money and calories on having to drink more. Don’t look at this as irresponsible drinking. I’m trying to decrease the total amount of booze you have to put in yourself.
And don’t get me started on mixed drinks. Mixers are for suckers. I realize this kind of goes against drinking beer because it’s quite low in alcohol compared to the amount of volume and calories it has but I figure a power hour is rapid enough that we can still call it efficient. Just use light beer. And if you’re drinking beer without a power hour maybe throw in a shot of whiskey to make it a boilermaker. If your mixers have alcohol in them, it’s acceptable. But yeah, no boilermakers for a power hour. Bad idea.
Of course there’s a time and place for efficient drinking. Some people are trying to get fat and poor, not drunk. They can go ahead and sip away on that mimosa. (Ugh. That’s adding a mixers to something that’s already well under the alcohol content of hard liquor.)
The lyrics in this song suggest a kind of catch 22 when I say “So until you’re rolling in it like a rockstar / The smart choice is to be drinking like a rockstar”. (Yeah I rhymed “rockstar” with “rockstar”. Shut up. It’s awesome.) Rockstars are the ones with enough money to afford drinking slowly but typically they’re the ones that drink with efficiency.
So there you go. Efficient drinking will save you time, money and calories. Ah, I’m glad I got that out there. Now there will only be thin and rich fans at my concerts.
Download the song: 
Get the T-shirt and gear:
Lyrics:
Efficient drinking
No time for thinking
Or even blinking
Efficient drinking
If you let your body sober up
While you’re sitting sipping on that cup
You’re not being cost effective
Keep your eye on the objective
Efficient drinking
No time for thinking
Or even blinking
Efficient drinking
Metabolizing is a waste of time and money
Not to mention all of those calories
So until you’re rolling in it like a rockstar
The smart choice is to be drinking like a rockstar
Efficient drinking
No time for thinking
Or even blinking
Efficient drinking
